thoughts:

1. being home is making me homesick

2. so i am a commitment-phobe/dating-phobe as of my recent unfortunate experiences with men getting lame/clingy... i met a guy on the plane.  he was cute and writing so i started talking to him right before takeoff... well, things did "take off"... we talked non-stop for the whole flight.  random: he was on his way to menlo park, and lives on levering, graduated from trinity college last year (econ major) and now works at FOX.  So i pretty much know his life story.  Anyway, he gave me his number and told me to call him on sunday if i need a ride back from the airport.... But... I don't think I'll call, because.... it's scary, is this what dating is like?  Meeting people random places and then hanging out with them?  I don't know how to do this....

3.  I saw Jeff.  Mixed messages... but at least there are messages!  I'm not going to jinx myself on the subject.  But it has put me in a much better/more optimistic mood.  Although I am still not calling plane-boy.  I feel kind of bad... what if I run into him somewhere???  Oh dear.... *sigh*  What's a girl to do?

4. I dont want to get on a plane tomorrow.

im kind of wastey,..... i mean i hda 3 shots and then i wont see people for four days and we are getting ITALIAN EXPERSSSSS and im soooo excited because just cuz and ugh sae is not that fun anyways.... i love phi psi so much more im so excited for next weekend even though i dont have a date to the date party oh well there goes usc.... dammit linds.. ughhhhhhh.  i wish that my plans would just WORK. 

all i want is for things to work out.  i miss kissing.  i miss kissing someone i really like and knowing that they are kissing me because

i hate god because i want to be 21 so badly so i can get out of here and go to sunset. 

"I don't like green eggs and ham"

today my hair turned green (no details I cant bear to relive the event another time), and consequently, it is now dark dark brown.  the general consensous is that it looks really good.... so I'm happy.  I am sure I will be reverting back to blonde and then changing my mind again a week later and buying dye at Ralph's and turning it green again but.... LIFE

Update:

I went to the Phi Psi party on Thursday with a strong need to get wasted due to the tragic events of the past two weeks.  I got a little too drunk.... I don't remember the night.  Well, I remember falling down every flight of stairs in Phi Psi, and making out with London, (there are pictures to prove it), and eating eggs at Sig Chi at 2 am after the party... but that's about it. 

The next morning I was still rather intoxicated and, after skipping physics, I went to English in a really bad mood.  Thank god I was wearing my shitty jeans.... I ran into English and sat down and noticed that my seat was really really cold.  I ignored it.  Btw, I'm still wasted and in a horrible mood.  5 minutes into class I remember that I havent turned my cell phone onto silent.  I open it, and there is an open text message from Brad... saying how he got my message from last night.  Um.... I CALLED HIM????  Fuck?  So I'm freaking out all through class and can't concentrate and then I get up and I realized that I had sat in coffee.... and my ass is wet and brown..... And of course I'm wasted so I think this is the funniest thing in the world.

Anyways... my behavior for the past week and a half has been interesting.....

and I got high 2 days in a row. 

See you in hell.

ADVICE OF THE DAY:

Never propose sex to ex-boyfriends while drunk.